When I'm five I will wash my face and hands all by myself When I'm five I will chew and spit tabacco, like my grandfather Jones 'Cause I'm only four and five is far away
When I'm five I will read the magazines in mummy's drawer When I'm five I will wall behind the soldiers in the May Day parade 'Cause I'm only four and grown-ups walk too fast
Yesterday was horrid day, 'cause Raymond kicked my shin And mummy says if I am good, she'll let me go to school in August Daddy shouted loud at mummy and I dropped my toast at breakfast And I laughed when Bonzo licked my face, because it tickled
I wonder why my daddy cries and how I wish that I was nearly five
When I'm five I will catch a butterfly and eat it and I won't be sick When I'm five I will jump in puddles, laugh in church and marry my mum And I'll let my daddy do the washing-up
If I close one eye, the people on that side can't see me I get headaches in the morning and I rode on Freddie's tricycle And everywhere was funny, when I ran down to the sweetshop Then I fell and bleeded-up my knee and everybody soppied me
I saw a photograph of Jesus and I asked him if he'd make me five I saw a photograph of Jesus and I asked him if he'd make me five When I'm five When I'm five When I'm... oah...